I’ve been fascinated by human behaviour and psychology for as long as I can remember. There’s something about figuring out “why we do what we do” that can keep me up for hours (probably because it’s just a bottomless pit of learning and insight), so it’s no surprise one of my favourite pastimes was, and still is, dissecting the world of dating and relationships.
At 27 years old my 10 year relationship ended, and I was thrust into the modern dating scene with ZERO CLUE how to function in it.
I then spent the next 5 years as a single, sassy, career-focused, badass boss babe while riding an emotional rollercoaster of growth, self-discovery and epic Tinder fails.
A few years into that journey, I discovered the world of personal development and was instantly hooked. I’ve spent more money than I’m willing to admit investing in myself, but I’m not sorry for it…
In fact, everything I’ve learnt has proved to be a game changer for me, including the manifestation of my current relationship (which has been a rollercoaster in itself, but that’s another story).
One of my biggest light bulb moments and the one I want to share with you today, came from my learning about the Masculine and Feminine energies and how they influence our intimate relationships.
While I wish I could share every little detail I’ve learnt with you, I will try to keep it as brief and informative as possible.
The Masculine/Feminine energies represent the expression and traits of the two energetic polarities that exist within all of us.
While it is common to associate men with “the masculine” and women with “the feminine”, it’s important to note that these energies are not necessarily specific to gender, nor do they dictate sexuality.
We all embody both, but will generally have a dominant or “core energy”. Ideally, this is the energy you want to operate from.
The key is to understand how these energies are expressed and how they complement each other to create polarity, because that is where the magic happens!
The Masculine and Feminine energies have different physiology, patterns of focus and language, so it’s important to be aware of what your true nature is and to embody it as best you can.
This can be quite a challenge, as throughout life we can develop multiple masks of Masculine/Feminine energy based on influences from our external environment.
For example, let’s take a woman who is feminine at her core. This is expressed authentically as a young girl, but as she gets a little older, she craves the attention of a particular parent and thinks: wait a second, if I’m focused, productive and get good grades, if I conform, obey structure, and control myself, I’ll receive love and praise (Mask #1).
Then when she reaches her teenage years, she wants attention from boys. But the boys aren’t paying attention to her, they like the girls who are free, flowing, radiant, and uninhibited, not controlled or restricted.
I want to be like those other girls, she thinks. But her feminine expression is not genuine (Mask#2). It’s society’s view. It’s cultural and forced. Look like this, act like this, be “feminine” but under these terms.
That might work for a while, but then something might happen, maybe a relationship falls apart or they want to build a career and they feel they need to dull or censor this “contrived feminine” in favour of the masculine.
This new energy is protective. It’s focused. It gets sh*t done. Now they’re slaying the day like Beyoncé. Don’t mess with me world, I’m about to dominate. I don’t need no man! (Mask #3).
This was me by the way. I got a really successful business out of this. But I wasn’t living from my core energy. When I learnt this principle, I realised how much I craved being in my true feminine, but thought masculine energy was “cool and badass”, that it represented the “empowered woman”. It does not.
In the modern world women have been taught to become more masculine for success and survival. This doesn’t serve anybody because:
I always believed I needed to be masculine to be powerful, but masculine energy is not the power of the universe, feminine is. Masculine energy is great to implement in your career and business, but if you’re truly feminine in your core, you can’t live there.
The challenging thing is, these masks can be strong. There are patterns of behaviour involved that take serious self-awareness and conscious effort to shift. I still work on cultivating my feminine energy all the time, so don’t be discouraged if this is unfamiliar territory for you.
Take some time to think about what your core energy might be, and what masks may have shown up to block that expression.
We need polarity for attraction. Think of it like a magnet. Sexual attraction and intimate connection will thrive in a relationship where there is a distinct polarity between the energies of the people involved.
The more opposed the individual energies are, the stronger the attraction will be in the relationship.
Sexual polarity = physical chemistry = the magnetic pull you feel when you meet someone with an energy opposite to your own.
When we wear multiple masks it’s hard to develop that deep intimacy. Bring that polarity back however and attraction returns.
For example, when I was dating and living in my masculine my energy was quite tough and aggressive. It was all: What can you do for me? Can you keep up? I’m a strong independent woman you know *hair flick*.
Then I’d be all like, jeez I wonder why none of these dates are going anywhere? But I was meeting masculine energy with more masculine energy, so how could there be any polarity and attraction!?
If you feel like the attraction or intimacy in your relationship has faded, don’t worry, all hope is not lost! There are many ways in which you can bring back that polarity or *spark*.
Here are a few quick tips:
If your partner has a feminine core, bring attention, reassurance and understanding to your relationship. Avoid making them feel unseen, unsafe or misunderstood.
If you think of the feminine energy as being water (free, flowing, unrestricted) then the masculine is the cup that protects and supports it.
If your partner has a masculine core, bring admiration, appreciation and openness to the relationship. Avoid criticizing, controlling or shutting down.
Vulnerability is what will pull the masculine to you. I know it can be scary, but try to offer freedom and love instead. It’s that freedom that will draw them to you because that’s what the masculine craves.
If you are able to drop any masks you might have and step into your own core energy, this will allow for a more authentic connection between you both and the polarity will show up all by itself.
Don’t be disheartened if this doesn’t happen instantly. Consider it a beautiful journey of growth and self-discovery – I promise you it’s worth it!