Funny how the "self-help" advice I hated ended up saving me

Until this year, I made everyone’s problem my problem—especially the ones my parents and brother faced.

I was obsessed with taking charge and making sure everyone was OKAY (even though it wasn’t my responsibility and nobody asked me to).

I genuinely thought I was “helping.” I convinced myself they needed my help but…

It came at a price. My relationships suffered. My plate was always overflowing. My mind constantly racing with things “to do.”

I was distracted. Not present.

I didn’t like the person I was becoming.

At 33, all I wanted was peace. To be more present with my kids. To have relationships that weren’t strained with tension.

And trying to control everything around me wasn’t going to get me there.

So I cried to my partner and vented to my best friend for what felt like the thousandth time.

They gave me the same advice I’d heard before—but this time I was ready to really hear it.

Advice is funny like that. You can hear something a thousand times, but if you’re not ready for it, it won’t land.

Turns out, they were right all along.

The only way I could experience more peace in my life was to finally embrace these two philosophies:

1. Put down what isn’t yours to carry

The relief I felt when I finally stepped away from responsibilities that were never mine to begin with was surreal. That’s when I knew I’d done the right thing—for my mental health, my relationships, and my kids.

There’s a beautiful quote by Trista Mateer that drives this point home:

“My strength is defined not by what I continue to carry, but by what I have allowed myself to put down.”

2. “Let them” (thanks Mel Robbins)

They want to keep the clutter? Let them.

They want to ignore the wellness tips I shared? Let them.

They want to splurge? Let them.

I used to hate this advice because it felt like giving up, like I didn’t care.

But what I’m really doing is:

• Releasing the need to change or “fix” others.
• Accepting that I can’t control what others do, only what I do.
• Protecting my time and energy.